


Salvation

by ShannynFaucheux



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Because we don't do that in 2020, Bombs and Explosions, But not between Izaya and Shiki, Drug Addiction, Extended Metaphors, Guns, Light Bondage, Love, M/M, Oneshot, Poetic because I don't exactly know how to English, Psychological Drama, Quality angst with a side of healing 10/10 recc, Sex, Slight implication of a personality disorder, Symbolism, Trauma, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Violence, Water as a metaphor, Yakuza, Yakuza Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:35:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23054827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShannynFaucheux/pseuds/ShannynFaucheux
Summary: ‘’- What shall I do now, Orihara Izaya, whose hair soft and, beautiful; eyes always looking boldly at the corners of madness, because he has hands overflowing with love..''The sun shines into his eyes, he lifts a hand up to it and spaces his fingers, looks at the sun from the bars he’s confined himself into.and holds God in between his arms.‘’- Because he fell for a man who never learned how to be more than a shell in which, waves crashed and crashed into. ‘’Story of drowning, and where your hand is held and you are pulled to salvation.
Relationships: Aozaki Shuu/ Shiki Haruya, Orihara Izaya/Shiki Haruya
Kudos: 5





	Salvation

**Author's Note:**

> If you don't like background colour, you can go back to default by clicking '' Hide Creator's Style '' I am not a native English speaker but I am trying my best. 
> 
> This work has five ''scenes''; '' Penumbras, Shades, Blooming, Shadows, Under the Sun and Salvation '' The reader might be taken aback by the start of '' Shades '', where we see a sex scene between Shiki and Aozaki. At first glance, their relationship might come off like '' that cheap abusive relationship trope'', but as the dialogues go, I am hoping the reader will see that it is certainly not like that, and there are huge grey areas and depth here. Other than that, this is a pretty heavy work but I believe it is not 'meaningless angst'. I believe I tagged enough, I hope you enjoy.

Penumbras

The lights fighting to fall into the gloomy bedroom get trapped by the honey-colour, heavy material curtains and only manage to land somehow dirty onto the wooden table; reflecting fine dust and sunset onto the snake tattoo on the man’s shoulder. The man dips his chopsticks into the noodle bowl and gives it a swirl.

Izaya pulls the tan-colour bedsheets up to his bare chest. He knows it is clean. The rest, he is not sure.

The snake’s head gets separated once the man leans in towards his food and starts eating. The head moves in dust with the move of his right hand holding the chopsticks, spine irreversibly hunched from teenagerhood, and backbones sticking out to sun.

‘’- You’re skinnier than I am. ‘’ Izaya says. He doesn’t reply.

So, Izaya gives his attention to the room they are in as the chopsticks clank into the porcelain. He hasn’t taken in this one yet, was too lost in the heat of the moment.

Black ropes are standing on top of the unstable looking bedside drawer.

It is a new apartment every time. Izaya knows that he uses them for few weeks, then moves to another one. Few things do not change however, he brings them everywhere with him; the olive green armchair in front of a TV that is almost always on a baseball channel, his white suits, that suspicious cherry tomato plant, now currently behind the honey curtains, looking at the sun. Pill bottles. Very unprescribed.

‘’- Will it always be like that, a new shabby apartment every few weeks? Don’t you think I deserve better? ‘’ Izaya asks, a grin on his lips. The man doesn’t answer, continues eating. He is almost done. He moves his neck and shoulder.

‘’- Where is your _home_ , Haruya? ‘’ Izaya continues, deduces and pushes. That is what he is, a pusher. Well, _sometimes_ , when a certain redhead is strolling a little too much in dark alleyways. Otherwise, he is his informant, and lover, hopefully.

Tilting his head, he sticks his cheek to his palm. A strand of his hair falls towards his deep, wine-like eyes; ‘’- I would say somewhere near Akita.. Around the region Aozaki-san is from. _You are close to him the most aren’t you?_ _I see you two slipping back into accents time to time. ‘_ ’ 

‘’- That means you are shit at hearing accents. ‘’ Comes a voice, then an answer; ‘’- I’m from Nagasaki. ‘’

Izaya shrugs his shoulders, straightening the matte-black rope in his hands; ‘’- Dangerous man, Aozaki-san..’’

Gulping down a glass of water after the food Izaya has brought for him, he stands up from the uncomfortable wooden chair and walks to the bed. He places a bony knee in between the other’s legs and takes his one wrist, slipping the rope to his own hands. The black snake, has its mouth open, its thin tongue in motion in front of the dark-red eyes.

Izaya puts a hand to his chest and stops him.

-‘’ Don’t you want to do it again? ‘’ Eyes lower to his. They have a grey hue in their darkness, purples under, thin veins in dull green. Izaya is curious to death if he will ever find a warmer shade there, then it comes to his mind that he has never seen his eyes under the sun.

-‘’ I’m fine for tonight. ‘’

-‘’ ‘kay..’’ He once again puts the rope onto the drawer and leaves the bed. Izaya’s eyes follow him as he walks to the kitchen-side, takes couple beers from the refrigerator full of dark brown tinted bottles, then walks back and settles to the olive green armchair. He takes a pill, swallows it with the alcohol, the bathroom is five steps away anyway.

Then taking the remote next to his gun, he lifts one of the bottles to Izaya.

‘’- I’m good, thank you. ‘’ A rebroadcast of a baseball match from years ago, _‘’ Naoki has started in all twenty three games, and the first pitch is-‘’_

-‘’ Tell me about your older brothers. ‘’

-‘’ I should’ve never told you about them. ‘’

-‘’ You didn’t. You were high on _M.,_ I made you talk about your home. ‘’ _Because you overdosed like a fool and were having a panic attack._ ‘’- Did you guys played baseball together? ‘’

The sun falls in coordination with the tilt of his neck, his soul _swimming_ for a shade darker, and spine sinking into the old armchair in that unhealthy, skewed posture that irritates Izaya.

_‘’ Where is your home, Haruya? ‘’_

-‘’ Wherever that will bring me what I want. ‘’ Izaya has been silent, however. Standing behind the now undrawn curtains and examining the tomato plant. But he is also used to him mumbling _underwater._

-‘’ And _whoever_ can bring you what you want, as quick as possible, right, Haru? ‘’

-‘’ I will not live forever. ‘’ Izaya gives an unamused snort on that.

-‘’ And what is it that you want, honey? ‘’

-‘’ I will see what is there on top of the cherry-fallen mountain. ‘’

-‘’ How poetic. _You are a dying drug addict who dreams of taking over a yakuza clan._ ‘’ Izaya spats out, then takes a breath in and tucks a strand of his hair to the back of his ear. He then travels his fingers in his hair, nails stopping at his neck, chin tightening.

He whips around, taking the sunset behind his silhouette; _‘’- Where is your home, Haruya! ‘’_

_‘’ And Takemichi is on the outside corner for the next strike of the game.. - ‘’_

‘’- Why are you doing this to yourself, answer me. ‘’ He ends up in front of him, sinking his nails into the snake’s head. His neck, and that skin-and-bone chest that he _knows_ breathed before. Until he leaves trails of blood, as if he could just _open him_ , and dip his hands into that black tar that is drowning him; ‘’- Where is your home, Haru? ‘’ He asks.

‘’- Where is your home? ‘’

Then that black hair which he loves to spill onto his knees and caress hours on end. ‘’- Haruya, where is your home? ‘’

He sticks his forehead to the velvety fabric of the armchair and starts screaming at his ear then, not a sentence, a primal, beyond-language sound.

His hand lowers to the man’s bare thighs and head falls to his shoulder once he is out of breath.

‘’- I knew..-‘’ The man speaks, slowly, his hand lifts to the back of the other’s hair; ‘’- I knew you would go mad, if you loved, truly. ‘’ His auto-focus gaze on the television, he lifts a brow up; ‘’- While love is the only truth, and I am glad you have discovered it, I wish you didn’t love me, Izaya. ‘’

‘’- It is a tragic choice, really. Look at us. ‘’

Izaya hides his cheek behind his hair, a tear he gifts to him and it falls from Shiki’s high cheekbones.

_‘’- Wherever I buried my two brothers, is my home, Izaya._

And wherever they intended to walk to, is my way. ‘’

Shades

The snake spreads on the blood red sheets, Shiki is held tight, bound in matte-black ropes. He flinches the moment he is filled, stubbornly holding his sounds in his throat. At the same time, he is not sure where he is, does not remember what was the last thing he took before he-

Aozaki pushes his head back down and holds it there;

‘’- Relax, Shiki. ‘’ He positions himself once again, and lifts his hips up. While something in him tries to _not break_ this man hanging onto forty-nine kilograms of weight, at most, he is also an impatient man. He gives a grunt once he is inside him, and then forces the pace. He lets go of his neck, intermittent sounds break inside the younger yakuza’s throat and the sheets get whispered indescribable, drug-fuelled sentences. Occasional giggles in between frictions.

-‘’ You’re not even hard. ‘’ Shiki gives a throaty laugh;

-‘’ Get me, then. Can’t expect everything from The State... ‘’ Putting his one elbow down onto the sheets, Aozaki lowers to his ear and slips down the blindfold on the other’s eyes. They look at each other, exchange grins;

-‘’ Don’t push me. You dragged me here. ‘’ Then sliding a hand to his manhood, he does as he asked. Makes him spill, diamonds and _screams_. Once he is _emptied out_ , just as he likes, he takes him once again to find his own release. 

It is almost morning, Shiki gets raised _almost too high, as it happens sometimes_ , he assumes it is the heaven as he always does and then crashes hard and good.

_''- Iz-.. ''_

‘’- I got you, you dumb fuck, calm down. ‘’ Aozaki releases him, then opens the window to smoke and let the early morning’s air in. He grabs one of the extra blankets at his side and throws at the other’s bare back;

‘’- Cover up, it is cold. ‘’ It is, Shiki somehow manages to unfold the hotel blanket and gets under the premium quality fabric. He shakes there from the shock, or the haze slowly leaving his system, until he hears Aozaki talking. He doesn’t stick his head out of the blanket but listens carefully;

‘’- There will be a raid to Asuki’s (..) headquarter tonight. We’ll deal with the disagreements we had with Asuki group, _but I am planning to get their new executive_ , _to show them what it means to disrespect the_ _Oyabun_. ‘’ He walks and crouches beside the bed; ‘’- Send over few of your men. Whether it fits to our bullshit _‘move temperate’_ thing nowadays, if we manage what I just revealed to you, the group and the _Oyabun_ will be respected more than ever. ‘’

‘’- And in exchange, I will stay back for this one, and let you have your moment, Shiki. ‘’ He hears a laugh muffled under the blanket and smirks, huffing a breath and moving his cigarette to his lips;

‘’- You are a sick bastard, you know this, right? ‘’

‘’- I have a mother, I am not a bastard-‘’ Shiki reveals his eyes; ‘’- You are. ‘’

‘’- Motherfucker. ‘’ Aozaki puts off his cigarette and grabs Shiki’s throat; ‘’- Say that one more time-‘’

But he withdraws his hand upon seeing a gun _slowly_ sticked out of the blanket, and lifted to his face;

‘’- I have a decent mother, you are a whoreson, Aozaki Shuu. ‘’ Shiki says with a disturbing grin on his face, then adds, withdrawing the gun;

‘’- See you tonight. Get the fuck out now. ‘’

Aozaki laughs as he dresses. His deep voice crashes like a wave onto the carved walls and paintings inside the room. He leans down onto the other’s face once he is ready to go out, and speaks quietly at his ear;

‘’- The next time, I will stick that to your somewhere. And I will make you like it, Shiki Haruya. ''

Shrugging, Shiki turns his back to him and closes his eyes to sleep; ‘’- Wouldn’t be your sickest fantasy, Aozaki. ‘’

Blooming

He wakes up dishevelled from soul to hair, and in Izaya’s lap. Narrowing his eyes, he looks at the bright sun outside the window, comprehends that he is still in the hotel room, then asks;

-‘’ How did you find me? ‘’

-‘’ That is my job. You get lost, and I bring the spring back to you. ‘’ He draws up to Izaya’s lips, but gets stopped;

-‘’ Don’t. I know you were with Aozaki-san. I am in love with you, Haruya, even when you are out of yourself, but I haven’t ran over my self-respect either. You can’t do this to me. ‘’ Izaya takes him back into his lap instead, and caresses his hair;

- _‘’ Do not send your men to the raid tonight. It’s a trap. ‘’_

The executive thinks, long and good, but then pushes the hands calling him to a relative-sanity, _because that is what an addict does_ ; and lifting the blanket to the side, he dangles his feet down and walks to the luxurious bathroom, taking his clothes with him.

Izaya curses and looks at his side, a piece of rope stands on the nightstand, mocking him without words, Shiki’s gun next to it, a snake carved on the metal.

And he doesn’t realize, until Haruya walks out of the bathroom and turns to the direction of the door to leave after taking the gun from the drawer-

Izaya jumps out of the bed and runs to the bathroom as the other is just outside the door.

_Because why would he not dress in front of him, his years long lover?_

Izaya’s legs simply give up. He just slides down next to the door, like a tired raindrop, while looking at the blood-flowered syringe thrown into the sink.

* * *

_‘’- I think she will cry a lot. ‘’_

_It was summer, after meaningless office hours and stupid chases in the streets, one of those times where Haruya laid on his knees quietly, and Izaya seemed to be in the idea of adoring every strand of his hair._

_‘’- What is that, Haru? ‘’_

_‘’- My mother. I think she’ll cry a lot after me, like she did after my brothers. ‘’_

_._

_And another day, where he went back-and-forth in between Izaya’s arms and talked and talked, and talked through the night;_

_._

_‘’- Akiya died in a raid, was shot four times. I am turning twenty-four this year, I will be in the age that he died…’’_

_‘’- Our biggest was Fumitarou-nii-san. He always helped mother, never let me and Akiya feel down because we didn’t have a father- ‘’ He gives a small shrug, a little embarrassed, maybe because he still did not manage to grasp all these years; ‘’- He let himself got taken as a hostage, I was still in high-school, Akiya didn’t tell me anything, but people talked a lot in the town. I learned that.. they tortured my brother- ‘’_

_‘’- We didn’t receive a corpse... We don’t know where they buried him, if they did. ‘’_

_He straightens up a little, holds Izaya’s head in between his hands, as steady as possible. He looks at him, cracks a smile then;_

_‘’- Please.. don’t let me- ‘’_

Shadows

‘’- You surrounded them, good.. Be careful, I’ll be joining you shortly after..- ‘’ He listens to the other line; ‘’- What do you mean Aozaki’s guys are going ahead? ‘’

The rain pours hard to the black Mercedes’s windows where it is pulled over to an abandoned baseball field. Few vending machine’s lights can be seen across, and a solitary street lamp is hanging for dear life despite the unregular static of the electricity.

His brows furrow as he sees a figure walking towards his car, wearing a fur-lined jacket, with its hood hiding his face, but he can’t fool Shiki; ‘’- I’ll call you in a minute, Kazumi. Stay where you are. ‘’

He steps out of the car and the sound of rain hitting onto the ground fills his ears; ‘’- Izaya, what are you doing here?- ‘’ He looks his right and left to check for anything dangerous, but then stops right where he is-

They both turn their head where Asuki group’s second largest headquarter once _was_ , because it is currently just a building on fire, everything torn apart in seconds with a high-impact explosive.

‘’- I’m sorry. ‘’ Izaya says.

That is the last thing Shiki hears, and the last thing he feels before passing out is the impact of a sturdy object landing from his behind.

‘’- God I’ve always wanted to do this. ‘’ Akabayashi smirks, slicking his wet hair back, and rests his cane on his one shoulder. Izaya has caught Shiki before he fell hard, and is currently busy injecting him with something that will make him sleep for...

Well, some time.

Under the Sun

He wakes up, sensing immediately that he is in a moving vehicle, and feels like throwing up. That is Izaya driving the car, no wonder. Getting cut time-to-time by the fruit trees alongside the road, sunrays fall onto the car seats.

‘’- _O-hime-sama_ has finally woken up. Good. ‘’ On that, he lifts his eyes and comes eye-to-eye with Akabayashi, which makes him immediately look away.

But then he starts remembering _,_ his eyes grow bigger for a second before his expression hardens. He looks back at the older yakuza, then his gaze stops at Izaya concentrated to the road, driving with his glasses on. He sees his hands tighten on the steering wheel, but he does not look back at him.

Akabayashi huffs; ‘’- Right, it’s all coming together..’’

He makes a sharp move towards the elder yakuza, but his gun quickly gets lifted to his direction;

‘’- What are you going to do, tackle me inside a moving car? Open the door and throw yourself out?- ‘’ He then smirks; ‘’- Don’t be dumb. ''

''- By the way, I am aiming at your leg, but I am also lacking a little perception so..’’ He points at his scarred eye, then lowers his eye to his crotch.

Haruya closes his legs and looks at the lemon trees passing quickly; ‘’- I can’t fucking believe you’ve done this to me, Iz-‘’ Putting the gun away, Akabayashi yanks him from his arm and turns him to himself before he has the chance to finish that unfair sentence.

He is lacking that artificial, laid-back attitude as he tells him what happened, and Shiki is grateful for that. His sentences are quiet and clear, he knows that is only because he is restraining himself from beating him into a pulp.

Akabayashi knows everything, he can practically feel that in the way his hand tightens around his arm, and is shaking;

‘’- Ao fucked up a big time there. That’s all it took, a match and a lighter, the fucker drove the family to a chaos in one night. He also got shot seven times and probably not going to make it. ‘’

‘’- Kaz called me to say that he pulled some savings from the accounts and going to Costa Rica, and I said goodbye to Akane before we left. In short, _Awakusu is no more_ , and shut the fuck up before I punch a soul back into your fucking eyes. ‘’ He is holding his cane with his one hand, so he lets go of his arm to search around his pocket.

Two pill bottles get lifted up to his eyes, the younger yakuza escapes his gaze with a knot in his stomach and looks at his lover;

‘’- Good job. You’re getting even better at betraying me. ‘’ He then replies Akabayashi; ‘’- It’s not your problem. You said with your own mouth, if Awakusu is no more, then you’re just a stranger to me. I will ask you to not stick your nose into things that shouldn’t concern you. ‘’

‘’- Is that so?-‘’ Akabayashi extends a hand to the back of his neck and lowers him down to stick their foreheads. He seizes him good and close;

‘’- Or, you’d stop being stubborn, we would go see your poor mother, let her know that her dumb son is alive. And then you’d check in to a rehab, withdraw from all that poison in your body, knowing you have that one-‘’ He points at Izaya; ‘’- And this one at your side. ‘’ He points at himself, and lets him go.

‘’- And if I refuse? ‘’

‘’- I’ll break your legs and send you there. ‘’ Connecting his hands at the back of his head, Akabayashi leans back in his seat; ‘’- I would love to, y’know, especially when I have _your man’s_ permission to do so. ‘’ He lets out a sigh after that, and looks at the other’s hunched posture;

‘’- I could have a child few years younger than you by now, if the woman I love didn’t die because of that shit you're ending yourself with.‘’ He shrugs; ‘’- I guess you will have to put up with me as an uncle or a father figure, until we get you back into your mind. ‘’

_‘’- I knew about your brothers for a long time, figured your intentions shortly after. But you dying the same way after them will not bring peace their souls, Shiki. I don’t care what you think about me, if you like me or not, but respect the forty something years I’ve spent trying to survive, and at least consider when I say that_ _t_ _his is not the way to walk. ‘’_

_Salvation_

Since everyone’s adrenaline from last night is going down, they decide to rest at a _ryokan_. Assuring him that he will not let him go into withdrawal during the next few days, Akabayashi kindly _grants_ Shiki something after forcing him to down two-persons worth of food.

The entire time, Izaya is sitting at the veranda looking at a flower field, watching the colours of sunset fall gently onto them, a mellow breeze caressing the hems of his grey kimono. He hasn’t spoken to him, and continues to do so when Haruya settles next to him.

‘’- I am sorry. I spoke too harsh. ‘’ And Izaya’s lines immediately drown into desperation, as he thinks, _‘’ you are sorry for which one, which time, Haruya? ‘’_ , but fails to make a sound.

Except a sudden sob comes and starts shaking his chest in inshore waves;

‘’- I didn’t betray you- ‘’ Flowers gently rock back and forth in the arms of the valley wind, as he too, hugs himself a little and shakes his head; ‘’- I just..didn’t want..-

_‘’- I didn’t want you to end up like your brothers, Shiki!-‘’_

He takes him from his shoulder and drops him in between the flowers;

‘’- I didn’t want to carry a corpse that barely weighed forty-nine-kilograms, I didn’t want to lay you down, with your bones in pieces from bullet wounds, your face unrecognizable, I did not want to carry you in front of your mother, and say ‘ _’ here is your only son left, he died begging for his death- ‘’_

do you understand me, I didn’t want you to die. I don’t want you to die, Haru. ‘’

He falls and lifts his eyes to the sky, unravelled by his trembling hands, the black snake is looking at the sun.

Izaya traps him in between his arms and carefully searches in the love’s eyes, the sun, gently fallen grey, a word that tells him that he will hold on-

_He lands his fists onto his chest, onto his chin, to crack him open maybe-_

Haruya lifts a hand to the back of his hair once he falls onto his chest and gets tangled in wildflowers.

‘’- What shall I do now, Orihara Izaya, whose hair soft and, _beautiful; eyes_ always looking boldly at the corners of madness, because he has hands overflowing with love.''

The sun shines into his eyes, he lifts a hand up to it and spaces his fingers, looks at the sun from the bars he has confined himself into.

and holds God in between his arms.

‘’- _Because he fell for a man who never learned how to be more than a shell in which, waves crashed and crashed into. ‘’_

* * *

An old lady is watering cherry-tomato crops, a hat on her hair protecting her from the sun, and thin lips in a tune sang in a warm accent;

_‘’ The lads of Nagasaki, in lines_

_As they harvest the spring crops_

_Climb up to the lemon trees, ah those young men- ‘’_

She lets out a sigh once she is done, as she does every day. And now she will walk back to her house and light three incense for her three sons, tilt her head with a rosary in between her aged hands, and sigh one more time at their framed photographs in front of her eyes.

She turns to walk back to the house, but sees three shadows walking in between the road of wheat fields; _ah, the tall and built Fumitarou; Akiya, who easily jumped from tree to tree and angered the townsmen,_

She takes off her hat and takes a step ahead;

_‘’- Haruya, ‘’_

_Haruya who read borrowed books at the corner of the veranda, who wondered off to the mountains and got lost, who never knew where to bury his grief and was too ashamed to ask;_

She drops onto her knees. Haruya too, onto the ever-damp soil of his home;

He bows at her knees;

‘’- _Okaasan_ , forgive me. ‘’

* * *

_One hand on his shoulder, the other gently lifting his forehead; the lukewarm water slides off of his hair , his hands at the sides of the small bathtub, the water sliding off of his fingertips, down the coloured-marble detailing._

_Haruya closes his eyes and lets go._

_And when Izaya holds his arm, he turns, extends his wrists to him and opens his palms. And Izaya travels the hand-knit, soft washcloth along his arms. The black snake sheds his skin off, tar and blood down the drain. Ink however, is there to remain and be a remainder of survival._

_Shiki lets go._

_But when Izaya leans to his lips, he turns his head away, mumbling a yet another '' I am sorry. '' Smiling, Izaya lifts his water-dripped fingertips onto his cheeks, and leaves teardrops there._

_Kisses him._

_Kisses him._

_Kisses him..._

**Author's Note:**

> * Okaasan; mother.  
> * O-hime-sama; princess lol  
> This is like full 180 degrees from '' Daydreams in NY.'' (which, I almost completed the next chapter but that one isn't as serious like omg am I depressed or not-) um.. I am sad and this just wrote itself.  
> *puts a glass of bourbon onto the table and sneaks out*
> 
> Tumblr; whitecircusbird


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